I’m reflecting on the skills I’ve tried to learn in my twenties. As I enter the first year of my third decade of life, I’ve decided to reflect on the skills I tried to learn in my twenties. I started many of these endeavours to free myself from the drudgery of racialized employment. Sadly, I’ve yet to reach that goal, especially in the white inferiority complex system that restricts my being. Knowledge has always been…
I have recently finished the first course of the Good with Words Specialization. In going through the assignments of this course, I have discovered my writing is generic. My writing often feels like it is going nowhere because I do not write for other people. More specifically, I do not know how to write for other people. I believe that would explain why I’ve had my own personal blog for years but not one subscribed…
Last week, my blog posts revolved around my cessation of substance abuse for seven days. The substances THC and caffeine had been part of my daily routine since the start of the pandemic. Relying on these substances, however, was masking deeper personality issues that I had been avoiding for some time. This post will attempt to identify what I’ve learned about myself without having drugs to assuage the negative feelings about my life. I am…
I woke again at 3:30 this morning. I haven’t been able to have a total of eight hours of sleep in some time. I stayed on the floor, trying to count myself back to sleep, unsuccessfully. I hadn’t exercised or done yoga since trying this break. I’ve been outside perhaps only a few times since my last in-person job ended back in November of 2020. It’s been three months since I’ve started the remote…
I had woken up at three-thirty this morning. Insomnia has been more prevalent even when going to bed earlier and stopping substance intake. I just laid on the floor scrolling through social media and news feed. I know it’s going to be one of those days. I had a crying fit at work yesterday and posted about it on Illumination. The awareness of my position in society doesn’t help. Every day that I clock…
I woke up after only six hours of sleep again. I haven’t had any substances for the week yet, and I’m still exhausted. It doesn’t matter if I reduce my screen time or try to sleep sooner. I always end up waking up miserable. As I sit here waiting for my shift to start, there is just this unease with myself. I think it is anxiety that’s affecting me this morning. I still remember the…
Today I downloaded the Grammarly keyboard. I will be using it with my writing from this point forward. The reason for doing so is to reduce the occurrence of spelling mistakes. I must remember to switch my keyboard when logging onto my sites. I’ve already noticed an improvement in my writing. The grammatical errors are already being caught and rectified. This is just another way technology can help overcome social deficits. Small steps like this…
Tolerance Bread Day 3 of 7 I managed to get up ten minutes before my alarm today. I decided to not do anything this morning. I’m trying to see what works for me with and without a schedule. I find that when I plan my day, even with things I want/need to do,I feel hesitant. I’m hesitant because I’ve tried routines and goal setting before and it only helps so much. My bigger problem is…
I’ve made it through to the second day. I’ve also decided to forgoe coffee this morning. My brother picked up a feeshifts at his old contractor. I was worried the entire time. He works in food production and that’s one of the more risker areas for covid exposure. My fears for his safety wer rediced due in part to the facility practicing social distancing and hygiene. He doesn’t have to be there for the…
It has now been two weeks since the insomnia episoded started back. I know it’s because of my job. I know it’s becuase I haven’t made any art in a couple of days. I’m just drained. I have no motivation to do anything. I just feel empty. Usually, I try to create when these feelings come up, but it hasn’t been helping. I guess that’s why I’m writing today. So let’s examine a couple of…