Trying to write my thoughts out for the rest of the week.
Woke up at 4 today. Got to 180 cylinders and finished a few more forms on Bo. Reuploaded Tano to HF following guidelines.
It’s 2 months before my GCP exam, so I start to look over my notes again.
I haven’t been focusing on language this morning. It feels kind of difficult because my mind is elsewhere. I still have an hour and 45 mins left before my shift.
Yet I can’t focus. I know today I’ll be listening in on calls, but I need to have my camera on. I believe that having to make myself look presentable is problematic. I’ve gotten used to the idea of not having to see people.
I”m about halfway through the book “The Unapologetic Black Guide to Mental Health. I’ve already been passively practicing what is in the book but having resources to point out a long and noble history outside of slave narratives is refreshing.
I’m still learning to decenter the whiteness in my life. I’ve also started to rethink my Afropessimist views. Blackness is not just as a form of social death. Rather only in white thinking nations am I reminded of my caste. But I know that I have a long and noble history.One that has been recorded by peoples of the diaspora.
To know that I’m part of the global Human history is…..liberating.
It is a history and cultures, though repressed through financial, physcial and sexual violence has not eliminated me from this earth.
I now know that whiteneas is a psychotic delusion used to soothe the existential dread of living a meaningless life. The individuality and traits of whiteness is nothing more than anti-Human.
Whitness isn’t a culture rather it’s a collective representation of delusions of grandure. A program that was so throughly effective, that those who bought into this artificial standing never rose above their station even centuries later.
To be white is to be without culture or history. Rather it only exhalts the mindlessness of so called instinct parading itself around as supreior. We know this projection, nothing more.
Knowing that it is irrational, narcissitic, necrophilic and emotionally stunted. It can never evolve into something more. It has reached it’s self imposed extinction.
All we humans can do is watch now.