The post title is self-explanatory, but I reiterate, I need to make writing my income source. I’m am too tired of trying to fit into the mould of the traditional career path. I have realized that this idealized concept of self-discovery through employment is nothing more than another lie used to appease the masses. I have written before on how my personality is shaped by the white inferiority complex system in which I am forced…
If I’m going to get my interests monetized, I’ll have to learn to make my site pretty, great. I’ve had a personal blog for a couple of years now. I started the blog while slaving away at kitchens and not having an outlet to vent my thoughts. After several years of owning my site, I’ve decided to sit down and try to make it easier to navigate. I purchased a domain, installed WordPress, bought a…
The title says it all. It’s what I feel when I try to write about what I see in the world. I’m still policing my thoughts and feelings. I know that I will be attacked for writing about myself. I hate feeling like this. It shows that I still have this slave mentality of “keep your head down, and everything will be okay.” I’m sick of it; I’m sick of having to pretend that I’m…
I feel empty today. It’s not depression or anger, just emptiness. I feel as if nothing matters anymore. I ‘m telling myself I don’t want to draw today, though I know I should. I don’t see the point in being alive today. I am not suicidal, just aware that I don’t feel alive. I feel like this because I’ve grown complacent. I am complacent because I am alone. I am alone because I am afraid.…
I’m reflecting on the skills I’ve tried to learn in my twenties. As I enter the first year of my third decade of life, I’ve decided to reflect on the skills I tried to learn in my twenties. I started many of these endeavours to free myself from the drudgery of racialized employment. Sadly, I’ve yet to reach that goal, especially in the white inferiority complex system that restricts my being. Knowledge has always been…
I have recently finished the first course of the Good with Words Specialization. In going through the assignments of this course, I have discovered my writing is generic. My writing often feels like it is going nowhere because I do not write for other people. More specifically, I do not know how to write for other people. I believe that would explain why I’ve had my own personal blog for years but not one subscribed…
Last week, my blog posts revolved around my cessation of substance abuse for seven days. The substances THC and caffeine had been part of my daily routine since the start of the pandemic. Relying on these substances, however, was masking deeper personality issues that I had been avoiding for some time. This post will attempt to identify what I’ve learned about myself without having drugs to assuage the negative feelings about my life. I am…
I woke again at 3:30 this morning. I haven’t been able to have a total of eight hours of sleep in some time. I stayed on the floor, trying to count myself back to sleep, unsuccessfully. I hadn’t exercised or done yoga since trying this break. I’ve been outside perhaps only a few times since my last in-person job ended back in November of 2020. It’s been three months since I’ve started the remote…
I had woken up at three-thirty this morning. Insomnia has been more prevalent even when going to bed earlier and stopping substance intake. I just laid on the floor scrolling through social media and news feed. I know it’s going to be one of those days. I had a crying fit at work yesterday and posted about it on Illumination. The awareness of my position in society doesn’t help. Every day that I clock…
I woke up after only six hours of sleep again. I haven’t had any substances for the week yet, and I’m still exhausted. It doesn’t matter if I reduce my screen time or try to sleep sooner. I always end up waking up miserable. As I sit here waiting for my shift to start, there is just this unease with myself. I think it is anxiety that’s affecting me this morning. I still remember the…