I’m trying to take a new approach with blogging today. Since I can not keep a regular blog posting about tech, I’ve decided to use writing prompts instead. The reason for doing this is to try and write a post a day. In participating in these daily writing exercises, I hope to improve my written communication skills. To generate topics to write about, I am using the article “52 Writing Prompts to Inspire Your Next Blog Post” as a guied. So back to writing, I guess I could write about my denial on my alcohol dependency. Like many others growing up, alcohol was presented as a cure-all for the socially awkward.
As I am still a socially awkward Black man, I naturally gravitated towards this substance. My reasoning for at the time was that I didn’t like striking up conversations with random strangers. I did everything in my power to avoid the “gregarious Black person” stereotype by reading and keeping to myself. Yet, I was lonely and needed to find someway to meet new people. In my naivete, I turned to alcohol, thinking that it would transform me into a more social creature.
The desired affect came about, I felt myself, loosen up and could actually tolerate meeting strangers in public. Unfortunately, I did not have a handle on the moderation aspect needed to feel “socialble”. It would take greater amounts of alcohol necessary to even feel like I was having fun. For a time the greater volumes worked and I would justify to myself that I could stop at anytime. That was what I told myself after the first blackout session.
In this isolation, I switched to harder alcohol and would often drink alone at home.I was using alcohol as a crutch to get through life. It was a away to put off responsibilty.
I would continue to deny that I had a problem.Even though this was making my mental and physical health worst. In all honesty, I was okay with my own destruction, if it meant I didn’t have to be who I was at the present. This was at a time period where I didn’t know how to handle uncertainty and I honestly did consider my own destruction. Fortunately, I was aware enough of my own problems to start researching solutions.
I think it helped that when I see the signs of a problem, I tried to look for help. I admit, that I delayed seeking treatment, because I didn’t want to believe myh life could be controlled by a substance. If I had not been honest with myself and admitted that I had a problem, I most likely would not be writing this today.
Realizing that I was wrong about my alcohol use was the first step to becoming a better person.
I’m glad I learned that lesson and will continue to find ways to be the person I want to be.