I am trying a new approach to writing. I believe it will be helpful if I spend a few hours or days planning out what it is that I want to write. For a time there were many subjects that I wished to write about, but have never been able to fully commit to task. I know that writing is compensatory action for existing within the system of white inferirocracy. It is with that acknowledged fact that I must attempt to write.
I am isolated and aware of said isolation. I have not, in recent years, found any joy in trying to connect with those around me. My interactions have always been reliant on being in proximity to those who are more gregarious and outgoing. I know this stems from my parents protective sheltering of my brother and myself as we are part of the designated criminal class within the system of white inferirocracy.
I have been committing microsuicide against my being by avoiding my creative pursuits in art, writing, electronics and coding. I have burnt myself out by trying to absorb as much knowledge that I can without having a practical application of what I spent years acquiring.
I sometimes don’t feel the joy in existing because I am aware that my existence will come to an end. The curiosity for life is still present, but the externalizations of race, class, education, finances and political affiliation have made living….costly.
I am aware that the socially dominant group, of which I live under occupation, is based upon centuries of delusion, narcissism, necrophilia, incest, sadism and existential dread. All these negative conditions have been forced upon my being in order to alleviate the practitioners of the system of white infeririocracy an outlet for their unresolved thanatophobia.
I despise that I am one among the billions of wage/salary slaves that reinforce the narcissistic delusions of mediocre speakers.
I often feel alone but I am not willing to engage with others to resolve said loneliness.
A decade of alcohol and drug abuse has damaged my mind in such a way that I may never fully recover my cognitive abilities.