Insomnia strikes again
I’ve been up since around midnight again. I known it’s because the impeachment trail went no where. Once again, justice was discarded for the expediencey of the collective white inferior complex. I’m not surprised, the hope and betrayal are all too familar. How do you deal with a system that tells you everyday you don’t matter?The truth is you can’t. It’s working to play upon every insecurity and fear that makes one suceptible to being controlled by fear.
The threat of uncertainty means you’re willing to give up what makes you unique for the lie of safety and security.
White grievance gets deferment again
Why must we continue to relieve the uncertainty of whiteness?Whitness, never has to deal with uncertainty because it offloads that exitenstial dread onto others; instsed of dealing with itself. The ideas that make up the identity of whiteness is based on the lies it can tell about others. Seeing those lies played out on the screens for the world to see was a painful reminder of how much we are impeded by these delusional people.
To know that profound and damning evidence could be ignored because of the lie of whiteness brought up feelings of rage. It was another reminder that we are Humans are held hostage by the worst examples of our Species. Writing is how I grieve for coming loss of the innocent in the future. It is the only form of protest I can participate without the immediate threat of death, for now at least. Yet another generation must suffer for the collective insecurities of those who came before. I believe that if we’re ever going to have a chance for a better and interconnected world, we need to remove these people from having a say in collective progress of Humanity.They don’t want to be a part of larger Humanity, so fuck ’em.
Unexpected day off and introspection
I took solace in not having to rent my time for eight hours today. Canada aligned today alongside President’s day in the United States, we just decided to call it family day. Given my mood and insomnia I spent the day hanging out with my brother and studying for my certification exam. Honestly, I’d rather be working on improving my art instead. During the last work day I started to sketch out some webcomics. I even managed to update the webcomic site with an archive and characters page. Every time I’m at the drafting table or laptop I feel whole.
In writing and making art, I’m free from the oppressive coercion we call “employment”. I realize that in my writings, some might call my attitude “work averse” and I only partially agree with that statement. The truth is, my employment is not “work”, it’s not improving me as a person nor is it getting me closer to a “career” that I think I want. We glorify our ability to be expoited by uncertainty for what? To make a multi-million dollar company more profit in one quarter than I would ever make in 40 years of exploitation? I think not, covid-19 has shown that so much of the “common-sense” our elders espoused as virtures were just lies used to make us complacent.
We are told the lie that our worth is tied to what we can do for others at the cheapest rate. Understanding and seeing the entire framework from this perspective;makes it impossible for me to view employment as nothing more than sophistacted coercion.There will be those that deny this fact; only because their own livelihoods are dependent on others believing this lie.
Employment is a lie, now what?
To start, I’m going to continue to call it coercion. Economically speaking, I did better financially not being employed during the start of the pandemic compared to when things were normal.When the government provided assistance during the first lockdown, I managed to pay off my credit cards and start back building an onlline platform. I’d like to be able to go back to that very soon. Economically, I don’t have to spend resources travelling, purchasing clothing or dining potential client; which is a godsend for an introvert like myself. Sharing my work on medium allows me to learn from other writers and see differnt perspectives to the issues our Species faces.
Mentally, I didn’t have to worry about being myself.
I started uploading some of my drawing videos to my youtube and updated my webcomic page. Bare bones as they are, they’re the reminders of how close I am to escaping the inequality of employment. Furthermore, it looks like some small investments I made into crypto are finally starting to make a return on investment.
Crypto potentially setting me free……..*fingers crossed*
The fact that there exists a way to make money without exploiting others or risk myself being exploited. Most people think Bitcoin when they here cryptocurrency. Currently the price for one Bitcoin is about fifty thousand US. While that’s way to rich for my blood, there are thousands of other coins and protocols out there with the potential to make people financially independent. Ultimately that’s what I hope to get from cryptocurrencies but it also allows me to participate in the collective financial well being of billions of people. It also increases my financial literacy because there are some places that pay you to learn about crypto.
I know crypto is volatile and the risk for losing it all is ever present. With that in mind, I’d rather take the risk of earning my entire lifetime potential in a few years then have to slog unnecessarily through labour coercion. I truly believe that this technology has the potential to set billions of people free from finacial bondage. It’s why I continue to research everything I can. I want out of this exploitve cycle.
So what does tomorrow hold?
Uncertatinty as usual, but getting these ideas out in the open is better than bottling them up for later. The world is unfair and I see a way out; I just want that day to approach sooner rather than later.